I received a lovely card today from my friend Terri. It was a get well kind of card, one emphasizing my need to be patient. She reminded me how far I have come on this journey of heeling- that my progress seemed slow only to me! I needed that. You see, I am a doer, not a wait-around person. I still have a few limitations stemming from the stroke, but I keep plugging along. I'm up all day, doing projects and completing chores. At times I feel a little clumsy with my coordination, but I usually manage. I can actually handle a rake in the garden now! I even dug a little. You see, we are totally remodeling our vegetable garden.
Our land is on a hill side, which means that the vegetable beds are tiered. Unfortunately, the pathways are not level and I find it (and always did) difficult to work with my feet on an angle. First of all the garden was way too large. We have so much food, we have had trouble giving it away. The freezers are full. So why work so hard to throw the vegetables in the compost heaps? So we are down sizing the garden from 1/2 acre to 1/4 acre. For most people, that is still too big. Not for me. I love to dig in the dirt, weed, plant etc.
So earlier this year, we started to move the fence in. I decided I wanted the whole garden surrounded by railroad ties, 6x6. This is sure to keep the grass on the lawn side! This meant leveling some of the ground and moving the deer fence. This took Peter and Darren a good three months. We do everything by hand over here! Then we had to line the perimeter with concrete blocks to slow down the leaching of the pressure treated lumber into the garden. Well the blocks are 15 inches so this meant digging down a bit. Thank goodness we have a lot of property full of uneven surfaces to level because there is nothing like getting rid of hundreds of wheel barrows of dirt. As of today, I am happy to report that 1/2 is completed and that it is being paralleled by boards to created my herb bed. Now I have the pleasure of renewing the dirt and transplanting my herbs. At the speed I work, it may take a while. This is the perfect time of the year to undertake such a project.
Once the perimeter beds are completed, Peter and Darren have the task of rebuilding the center beds. All of the beds will be nearly level, or at least perfect terraces- as will all of the isles. The beds are all raised,of course. I would have liked them even higher as my back talks to me after several hours of bending down; but when I priced decent lumber, we had to scale down the height.
As soon as I figure out how to publish pictures on this blog, I will show you the progress.
What else is new? Well, I can run now, so quickstep is in the near future! The problem is that the loopiness in my head remains. No one seems to know what to make of it. I tried abandoning the blood pressure medication. It was clearing up but the blood pressure was inching up. We tried Neurontin to quiet down all of the excess energy in the brain and I have another bad reaction. Too bad, as it was starting to attenuate the nerve pain on my right side. At times, my brain senses it to be so tight that I feel something will snap! It is truly in my head. It is a phantom pain. All I can do is distract myself and I can manage OK. For some reason, I can sleep, yet while watching TV at night, my right leg wants to jump out! Go figure how crazy this all is. None of my neurologists can explain this. So when it gets unbearable, I get up and walk fast. You should see how fast I can go now. Tonight I actually felt good running. Who knows what awaits me- a marathon?
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Moments of true clarity, new-found energy, lessons relearned.
Lat week I found myself having brief moments of clarity: I could focus on details, I had no drunken feelings, I was not dizzy. These moments quickly passed, yet they were there. These past two days, the brief moments lengthened into minutes, perhaps 15. And today, I saw a couple of good hours before my head went bad again and my body felt very tired. There is progress.
This new found consciousness had lead me to having more positive energy. I never was negative but I went through a lot of my paces with a certain amount of perfunctoriness, though diligently. I am now taking up chores and projects with enthusiasm. I just have to remember to not over do it.
Those of you who know me well can testify that I am a work horse.I have had the energy of a thoroughbred and I work 'till I drop. The problem these days is that I dropped a lot sooner than I used to. I need to relearn some old lessons:" Don't push so hard." If I push too much the next day, I am good for nothing but rest. And I am not talking much here. It started with a simple walk to the garden! Of course now I can actually do odds and ends there, so there has been a reward to pushing a bit. Still, I do not like having to sit in an armchair the next day doing facebook, emails, games, and watching TV.
One day last week I complained of my stove being unlevel. The oil in a pan always ends up on one side. No point having cadillac of a stove (five feet long - a Wolf stove for those who are familiar). So Peter took it up upon himself to do the job after 10 years of complaints. No so easy. The stove weighs some 500lbs. It rests on six adjustable legs. So if one side is too low, you raise the far end on a diagonal. No. There are four other legs. The back legs are not easily reached so I suggested moving one of the cabinets next to it. My cabinets are movable. This one could move three feet to the side but not forward. Job done. Now, it is out three feet and we have its previous floor space free to climb into. What do I see? Ten years of cob webs, cat hair, and who knows what else. I get some paper towels and cleaning product, climb over the couch to get to the spot(!), and am standing there. I need to crouch to do the job. No problem I go down easily enough. I encounter some difficulty turning myself around down there, cursing at my disability; but I manage to do a good enough job before hubby takes over the job of working on the back leg. I suddenly realize I am very tired. Mind you it is 8:00PM and I usually am resting by then. I also realize I cannot get up! My inner core has turned to jello! Finally after several pathetic attempts I manage to get up and climb back over the sofa. Lesson relearned: "Be mindful of your limitations."
And it is time to suck in that matronly belly again. No more jello!
This new found consciousness had lead me to having more positive energy. I never was negative but I went through a lot of my paces with a certain amount of perfunctoriness, though diligently. I am now taking up chores and projects with enthusiasm. I just have to remember to not over do it.
Those of you who know me well can testify that I am a work horse.I have had the energy of a thoroughbred and I work 'till I drop. The problem these days is that I dropped a lot sooner than I used to. I need to relearn some old lessons:" Don't push so hard." If I push too much the next day, I am good for nothing but rest. And I am not talking much here. It started with a simple walk to the garden! Of course now I can actually do odds and ends there, so there has been a reward to pushing a bit. Still, I do not like having to sit in an armchair the next day doing facebook, emails, games, and watching TV.
One day last week I complained of my stove being unlevel. The oil in a pan always ends up on one side. No point having cadillac of a stove (five feet long - a Wolf stove for those who are familiar). So Peter took it up upon himself to do the job after 10 years of complaints. No so easy. The stove weighs some 500lbs. It rests on six adjustable legs. So if one side is too low, you raise the far end on a diagonal. No. There are four other legs. The back legs are not easily reached so I suggested moving one of the cabinets next to it. My cabinets are movable. This one could move three feet to the side but not forward. Job done. Now, it is out three feet and we have its previous floor space free to climb into. What do I see? Ten years of cob webs, cat hair, and who knows what else. I get some paper towels and cleaning product, climb over the couch to get to the spot(!), and am standing there. I need to crouch to do the job. No problem I go down easily enough. I encounter some difficulty turning myself around down there, cursing at my disability; but I manage to do a good enough job before hubby takes over the job of working on the back leg. I suddenly realize I am very tired. Mind you it is 8:00PM and I usually am resting by then. I also realize I cannot get up! My inner core has turned to jello! Finally after several pathetic attempts I manage to get up and climb back over the sofa. Lesson relearned: "Be mindful of your limitations."
And it is time to suck in that matronly belly again. No more jello!
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Strange sensations
The last day I was at the hospital, one of the neurologists, whom I had not seen before, was conducting her rounds with the young doctors. On her way out she briefly mentioned that I would feel some strange sensations. At the time, this did not seem like a big deal, so I did not question it.
Everyday, I feel either a new sensation or a stronger one. For instance, this right side of mine which was affected by the stroke, has been intensifying. Is this good? Well it is not paralyzed. Yet, it seems at time that it is some distance from me. There is ever so much of an electrical charge going through it unless I am lying down absolutely still. At times there are bands of squeezing- even to the point of pain. And the ants or needles are constant, though quieter at rest.But when I rest, there is so much static in my head!
This squeezing sometimes feels as though I am being pulled to the right and at other times, being lifted. It is strange. It is all in my head. Nothing is in the body.Yet, I fight this everyday. I have been doing stretching exercises towards my right since I feel pulled to the left. It seems to have paid off. When I close my eyes and try to touch the tip of my nose, I no longer land to the right of it. I actually have a bull's eye! I am creating new pathways in my brain.
Here is another example of a weird feeling that comes and goes. I hate wedgies! Well guess what? I have the sensation that I have one all of the time. I can tug at my pants all I want. It does not help.
Well, I cut my low dose med in 1/2. Some of the dizziness has evaporated. I am waiting for the rest of the loopiness to leave. How much was a result of the stroke and how much was exacerbated by the med? So far the blood pressure is still manageable. I am not quite ready to go cold turkey!
Today, I was able to help out in the garden for 30 minutes, bending down and weeding without getting dizzy. It was a pleasure. We have a winter squash plant named argonaut. It must have covered 1/2 acre. It was time to cut it down to size. There must be 8 or more very large squash of 20 or more lbs. They are good over-the-winter keepers. Now Hubby and Darren are doing more weeding. I did not want to push my luck out there. The sensations really intensify when I over do it.
Everyday, I feel either a new sensation or a stronger one. For instance, this right side of mine which was affected by the stroke, has been intensifying. Is this good? Well it is not paralyzed. Yet, it seems at time that it is some distance from me. There is ever so much of an electrical charge going through it unless I am lying down absolutely still. At times there are bands of squeezing- even to the point of pain. And the ants or needles are constant, though quieter at rest.But when I rest, there is so much static in my head!
This squeezing sometimes feels as though I am being pulled to the right and at other times, being lifted. It is strange. It is all in my head. Nothing is in the body.Yet, I fight this everyday. I have been doing stretching exercises towards my right since I feel pulled to the left. It seems to have paid off. When I close my eyes and try to touch the tip of my nose, I no longer land to the right of it. I actually have a bull's eye! I am creating new pathways in my brain.
Here is another example of a weird feeling that comes and goes. I hate wedgies! Well guess what? I have the sensation that I have one all of the time. I can tug at my pants all I want. It does not help.
Well, I cut my low dose med in 1/2. Some of the dizziness has evaporated. I am waiting for the rest of the loopiness to leave. How much was a result of the stroke and how much was exacerbated by the med? So far the blood pressure is still manageable. I am not quite ready to go cold turkey!
Today, I was able to help out in the garden for 30 minutes, bending down and weeding without getting dizzy. It was a pleasure. We have a winter squash plant named argonaut. It must have covered 1/2 acre. It was time to cut it down to size. There must be 8 or more very large squash of 20 or more lbs. They are good over-the-winter keepers. Now Hubby and Darren are doing more weeding. I did not want to push my luck out there. The sensations really intensify when I over do it.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Yes, he is a guru
How many specialists, mostly neurologists, have I see over the past three years regarding the pins and needles I feel in my right foot? How many tests have I undergone? Where were these people trained? Many were Hopkins trained, yet no one has diagnosed my problem correctly. I have attempted to take medications. They made me sick. The last neurologist wanted to operate. Guess what? It is all related to my back surgery of 12 years ago. Even my top-notch surgeon could not read the spinal MRI correctly. He said the problem was not related to my back. Someone labeled it neuropathy. NO. I do not have it in both feet. The nerve pain is also located on the side of the leg.
After examining me and re-reading the MRI of my sciatic nerve Dr Hoke knew exactly what the problem was. It is related to L5 in the spine due to some injury. He did not know I had had surgery.I made an appointment nine months ago and I am so thankful to have waited so long to see him. I almost cancelled my appointment after I had a stroke which makes that problem seem so insignificant. Dr Hoke is a full professor at The Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. He is compassionate (unusual for a neurologist), he is patient (was correcting a medical student without embarrassing her), and most of all listened to me.
We addressed my present neurological deficits. They should resolve themselves up to 90%. I will aim for more. And it could take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. I can live with that! Now the problem in my head... I feel drunk all of the time... this is the blood pressure medicationis affecting my presence of mind.. He even questions the need for it since I am on such an insignificant dose which causes it to drop so much on occasion. Dr Molinaro, my GP, was very nervous about his suggestion for good reasons.
I decided to take the evening dose since I do not feel the dizziness and "loopiness" in bed. I will try without the AM dose. By then my brain is so much clearer until I take the next dose. This way I can see how my system reacts in terms of blood pressure and improvement in "loopiness." I have already implemented a diet which lowers blood pressure. I will continue to exercise as much as my body allows. Dr Hoke seems to think I am working too hard at getting better, so I will rest more. During these rest period I will meditate. We'll see...
In any case, Dr Hoke was a breath of fresh air. He made my condition so clear. He is a guru!
After examining me and re-reading the MRI of my sciatic nerve Dr Hoke knew exactly what the problem was. It is related to L5 in the spine due to some injury. He did not know I had had surgery.I made an appointment nine months ago and I am so thankful to have waited so long to see him. I almost cancelled my appointment after I had a stroke which makes that problem seem so insignificant. Dr Hoke is a full professor at The Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. He is compassionate (unusual for a neurologist), he is patient (was correcting a medical student without embarrassing her), and most of all listened to me.
We addressed my present neurological deficits. They should resolve themselves up to 90%. I will aim for more. And it could take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. I can live with that! Now the problem in my head... I feel drunk all of the time... this is the blood pressure medicationis affecting my presence of mind.. He even questions the need for it since I am on such an insignificant dose which causes it to drop so much on occasion. Dr Molinaro, my GP, was very nervous about his suggestion for good reasons.
I decided to take the evening dose since I do not feel the dizziness and "loopiness" in bed. I will try without the AM dose. By then my brain is so much clearer until I take the next dose. This way I can see how my system reacts in terms of blood pressure and improvement in "loopiness." I have already implemented a diet which lowers blood pressure. I will continue to exercise as much as my body allows. Dr Hoke seems to think I am working too hard at getting better, so I will rest more. During these rest period I will meditate. We'll see...
In any case, Dr Hoke was a breath of fresh air. He made my condition so clear. He is a guru!
Monday, September 1, 2014
Red flag
Dr Molinero wants to see a record of all my blood pressure readings to see exactly what is missing in our puzzle. Most of the time it is good, running between 112-120; but it occasionally drops to the 80's or spikes to 150. There is a correlation with the spikes and excitement. But the drops? Then there are side effects of dizziness, sensation of fainting, lack of focus and occasional confusion... I am definitely loosing my marbles!
I have been diligent at recording everything in a dairy. So.. yesterday, I spent most of the day making her a copy, only recording relevant information such as activity, reactions, sensations, and blood pressure. Amazing what I discovered.
We continue to explore TED Med and other types or programs on the brain and nutrition. Too much or too strenuous an activity will cause you to produce extra cortisol. NOT GOOD since that was the culprit for my stroke. Yes, stress kills. Well, it appears that my symptoms amplify when I push too much. This-I-should or have-to-attitude has to go. I must not put this type of pressure on myself. Actually, most of have-tos are usually related to my conscience. "I don't want to be a burden, or I want to please someone a bit too much..."
Still, not all of my symptoms are caused by excessive zesto! Tomorrow I get to see the big guru at Johns Hopkins, a neuropathy specialist. Yes, I have had neuropathy in my feet for nearly 15 years due to some anesthesia and antibiotics from my back surgery. Yes, drugs harm. I signed up to see him last December. After reviewing all of my files, he decided to take me on. I have a big surprise for him. He can add a stroke to all of my problems. Perhaps he can shed some light on these unpleasant symptoms of mine.
I hope I can travel there. Yesterday, I undertook going to BJ and got car sick for the first time ever! What is going on? Is the brain creating new pathways to correct my balance and screwing up! Yes, balancing in a car is hard work. Bet you did not realized this as you are so used to it due to a perfect set of synapses. You should research the brain, its functions, and how to fuel it. You are what you eat. America is in trouble.
The family is on a campaign to improve our nutrition even further. It will benefit Darren's epilepsy, Peter's tremor, and my everything! It is very expensive but look at the alternatives: heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, neurological dysfunctions, mood disorders, auto-immune disease and on and on. Medicine is beginning to recognize that it all starts at the molecular level. If only marketing and some pharmaceutical joined... eat well.
I have been diligent at recording everything in a dairy. So.. yesterday, I spent most of the day making her a copy, only recording relevant information such as activity, reactions, sensations, and blood pressure. Amazing what I discovered.
We continue to explore TED Med and other types or programs on the brain and nutrition. Too much or too strenuous an activity will cause you to produce extra cortisol. NOT GOOD since that was the culprit for my stroke. Yes, stress kills. Well, it appears that my symptoms amplify when I push too much. This-I-should or have-to-attitude has to go. I must not put this type of pressure on myself. Actually, most of have-tos are usually related to my conscience. "I don't want to be a burden, or I want to please someone a bit too much..."
Still, not all of my symptoms are caused by excessive zesto! Tomorrow I get to see the big guru at Johns Hopkins, a neuropathy specialist. Yes, I have had neuropathy in my feet for nearly 15 years due to some anesthesia and antibiotics from my back surgery. Yes, drugs harm. I signed up to see him last December. After reviewing all of my files, he decided to take me on. I have a big surprise for him. He can add a stroke to all of my problems. Perhaps he can shed some light on these unpleasant symptoms of mine.
I hope I can travel there. Yesterday, I undertook going to BJ and got car sick for the first time ever! What is going on? Is the brain creating new pathways to correct my balance and screwing up! Yes, balancing in a car is hard work. Bet you did not realized this as you are so used to it due to a perfect set of synapses. You should research the brain, its functions, and how to fuel it. You are what you eat. America is in trouble.
The family is on a campaign to improve our nutrition even further. It will benefit Darren's epilepsy, Peter's tremor, and my everything! It is very expensive but look at the alternatives: heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, neurological dysfunctions, mood disorders, auto-immune disease and on and on. Medicine is beginning to recognize that it all starts at the molecular level. If only marketing and some pharmaceutical joined... eat well.
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